(237 Words inc. Title)

“As my family and I gather once again at Sandringham, our thoughts go out this Christmas to you and your families wherever they may be.”

Mother, I’m trying to listen to The Queen.

Yes I know she’s looking older, Mother, but aren’t we all.

Please, Mother, I’m trying to listen… No, Mother, the vase behind The Queen is nothing like the one you saw reduced in Debenham’s.

Mother, I don’t know who cleans her windows. Does it matter?

No, I hadn’t heard about our window cleaner, Mother, who you say went in next door last week and came out half an hour later looking rather too pleased with himself. But I am trying to listen to The Queen.

Mother, you said the same sort of thing about me and Mr Gibson. And all because I helped him on with his coat at the Neighbourhood Watch meeting. Anyway, what about you when Daddy went off to his TA camp?

Never mind what Daddy got up to, Mother. I’m talking about you, and the insurance man’s bicycle clips that I found on your dressing table.

That’s a lie, Mother.

Mother, I did not put those bicycle clips on your dressing table.

I did not, Mother.

For God’s sake, Mother, I’m trying to listen to The…

“…And as we share together the many joys of family life, may I wish you all a very happy Christmas.”